


Enjoy the Silence

by Winged_Fool



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Character Study, Dorks in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 13:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19152223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winged_Fool/pseuds/Winged_Fool
Summary: Chaos has ruled Michael's entire life and it only quiets away when he's with Alex





	Enjoy the Silence

**Author's Note:**

> These dorks are ruining my life, RUINING me

 

Chaos has reigned in Michael's mind since the day he and his siblings emerged from their pods. When the Evans take Max and Isobel away from him, Michael is only able to tame the chaos by writing his planet's beacon obsessively over and over on the walls. But when he's sent away from Roswell, first to Albuquerque then to Santa Fe, the chaos grows and expands. It feels like it's going to explode out of him. At school, he finds some comfort in numbers, they quiet his mind for a moment as the numbers spill onto the paper.

Being with Max and Isobel also bring him a bit of peace. The chaos recedes, it shimmers beneath the surface and he feels like he can breathe normally. Physics, chemistry, and calculus come easy to him, the numbers slot easily in place and the chaos hums happily at the back of his mind.

The first time he feels the chaos completely quiet is when he's kissing Alex Manes. It fades away like it was never there and it's the first time he feels at peace. But as suddenly as the quiet is brought on, it's snatched away and he's taking the blame for three girls' deaths, declining his scholarship, and watching Alex leave him behind and the chaos swells and _screams_.

In the years that follow, Michael finds ways to center himself and let him forget the way the chaos swirls in his body. Acetone and alcohol dull the sharp edges, sex smothers it for a moment, and numbers continue to obsessively spill out of his mind but it's frantic and spurred on by the noise in his mind. The closest he gets to peace is when he's in his bunker surrounded by the fragments of his home planet. If he drinks acetone laced whiskey while watching the stars, he can almost feel like he's at peace again. But then the sun rises and the buzz fades and the chaos roars back to life.

It continues this way for ten years. It steadily grows and sometimes Michael thinks he's going to spontaneously combust because there's no way he can contain the disarray that shifts uneasily within him. Just when he thinks he cannot handle anymore, Alex is back in Roswell, down a leg, and Liz Ortecho knows the truth about them. It's a tug of war between the peace he reclaims with Alex back in his life and the chaos screaming panic that Liz will out them.

Michael's mind melts a bit from the back and forth but it only gets worse with the uncertainty with Alex. Alex doesn't want to be with a criminal but he's always _th_ _ere_ and the chaos is howling and he just can't breathe. The sting of Alex's rejection and the haze in his mind pulls him toward Maria. She's the first person who comes close to quieting his mind the way Alex does and in his desperation he just wants _peace_.

It feels like he absorbs all the chaos in his family's minds after Caulfield because he's spinning, spinning out of control. He clings to the fragments of calm still left within him and after Noah's death, and after Max heals his hand without his permission, he seeks Maria out again, forgetting Alex is waiting for him and remembering the way she had previously brought him comfort. Music returns to him and he feels lighter and the quietest he's been in years.

But then Max is gone and he's falling apart all over again. Day by day, he and Isobel try to strengthen their powers and the chaos starts to crawl back in even in Maria's presence. He's wound up again and decides to seek Alex out in his cabin for some relief.

The first time he shows up, Alex yells at him and tells Michael how angry and betrayed by him and Maria he is and how he has a lot of nerve showing up here weeks later without any explanation. Michael is suddenly reminded this is the kid who punched his high school bully, rebelled against his abusive father, and went to war, and Michael should be afraid of all that but he knows Alex will never hurt him. Instead, he slams the door in Michael's face and the chaos fades away for two weeks.

Michael clings to the remnants of his relationship with Maria but as the chaos rears its ugly head once again, he goes back to the cabin and before Alex can launch into another angry tirade, Michael apologizes to Alex for not telling him that he needed space and some semblance of normalcy. Alex's face scrunches up in anger, "Apology _not_ accepted," he sneers before slamming the door in Michael's face again.

They're getting closer and closer to figuring out how to save Max, but with the chaos churning angrily under the surface, they keep falling short. He tries to seek solace with Maria but she just doesn’t know how to quiet his mind, so Michael works up the courage to seek Alex out again and this time he just looks _tired_ when he sees Michael. "Please Alex," Michael begs, "I can't think and we're so close to helping Max and I'm the weak link."

Alex eyes him for a moment, "Are you still with Maria?" Michael doesn't respond and looks down at his feet which is answer enough. Alex just sighs and lets him in. "Yucca can keep you company," he says and before he can ask who or what Yucca is, a beagle is bounding out of Alex's room at full speed toward Michael.

They settle onto the couch while Alex putters around in the kitchen. Yucca seems happy to keep Michael company, she makes herself comfortable on his legs and he rests his head back and closes his eyes while the chaos compresses within.

Michael feels more level-headed and can focus on Max again. The haze in his mind clears and he realizes how _awful_ he’s been to both Maria and Alex. He breaks up with her because she deserves someone who isn’t seeking peace from someone else. He apologizes more coherently to Alex the next time they’re quietly enjoying each other’s company and he hums softly and the chaos actually _preens_ at the noise.

With the haze gone and the chaos back to quietly shimmering beneath the surface, Michael is able to concentrate on bringing Max back with Isobel. It takes an incredible chunk of energy out of both of them, but they’re laughing with Max again soon enough and Michael feels full. When he stumbles back to the cabin, Alex has left out a small bottle of acetone and a notebook for Michael to fill with numbers.

And that’s how it starts.

Michael still feels the chaos itching beneath his skin, so Alex will show him the codes he’s working on and the numbers steady him. Michael starts spending nights in the guest room and he’ll wake up in the morning to find his notebooks with scribbles of his ship calculations with post-it note suggestions on where the calculations are weak or how he can look at it a different way. The chaos stills when he finds the suggestions and he can look at the math much clearer.

The longer he stays at the cabin, the more Michael realizes he’s not the only one battling a chaos within. But where Michael’s chaos has always urged him on, Alex’s stills him. His breath will hitch and his eyes will fall close. Michael will place a hand on Alex’s shoulder to bring him back and it always works. Some days, when Alex’s leg is killing him, Michael will massage the damaged tissue and alternate heat and ice to the leg. He only hopes he can calm the chaos within Alex as much as Alex does for him.

Months pass, and Michael has practically moved into the cabin. Alex will leave out notebooks with complex math problems or codes so he has something to anchor himself to. On Sundays, before he goes to sleep, he’ll refill Alex’s pillbox with his prescription medicine and makes sure it doesn’t need any refills. Alex will pull out guitars whenever he senses Michael can’t concentrate and they will play together. Once a week, he drives Alex to his therapist’s office and goes back to the Airstream to switch out his clothes, the air is stale in there now because he spends more time at the cabin than the trailer.

One day, he opens his laptop to find an application for online classes through UNM mostly filled out for him and he looks up to find Alex watching him, the chaos picking up speed. Alex shrugs after a moment, “I thought you might want to give it a shot.” Michael finishes the application and hugs Alex tightly, murmuring thanks against his skin.

He’s accepted into UNM and enrolls into classes and the chaos is silent, though vibrating happily within. Michael finally reaches out to Maria to give her the apology she deserves so she and Alex can repair their friendship. It’s slow and strained but they’ll get there eventually.

Once, the chaos frays at his mind working him into a frenzy and nothing Alex and Yucca do calms him. Alex disappears for a moment and then is shoving a backpack into Michael’s arms. When he opens it and pulls out the last piece of the console, the chaos shrieks in his ears. “Why do you have this? How long have you had it? Why are you giving it to me?” Michael demands, clutching it close to this chest.

“I found it in the wall here. A long time. Because I can’t keep a piece of you locked up.” Alex replies calmly and the chaos screeches to a halt and Michael begins to cry. Alex sits them down on the couch and soothes him until he’s calm again. The chaos has picked up again but his heart swells.

Alex often wakes from nightmares screaming and Yucca will run into Michael’s room barking at him for help. The duo will make their way to Alex’s bed and Michael will hold him, whispering that he’s home and safe, and Yucca will wedge herself between them. When Alex falls back to sleep, Michael will get out of the bed and go back to his room with Yucca’s disappointed whine. One night, Alex has a harder time falling back to sleep so Michael stays the whole night in his bed. He never ends up returning to the guest room and slowly moves his things into _their_ room and Alex smiles more after that.

They continue this way for months and before Michael knows it, two years pass and he’s planning Alex’s 30th birthday party. All their friends go out to the cabin, and Alex wears happiness in the most beautiful way. When they bring out the cake, Alex blows out the candles and kisses Michael’s cheek and the chaos comes to an abrupt halt. Later, when Alex is swept away by Liz and Maria, Kyle brings Michael a beer, “You two are good together,” he observes and suddenly the chaos is erupting again.

“We’re not - he’s not -” Michael fumbles and Kyle merely raises an eyebrow while he figures out how to respond, “We’re just friends,” he finally says.

“Oh sure,” Kyle replies sarcastically, “friends who live together, are raising a dog together, and basically do everything together. That’s how I treat all my friends.”

The chaos wraps itself tightly against Michael’s skin, “We’re just helping each other with our trauma.”

Kyle stares at him, “You really believe that don’t you?” he asks in amazement.

Michael doesn’t know how to respond and the chaos is roaring in his ears. He doesn’t know what he says but he eventually leaves the conversation and drifts around for the rest of the party. The chaos doesn’t let him stay still but he finds Alex’s gaze at one point and he smiles at Michael and the chaos unfurls from his heart.

After everyone has left, they’re laying in bed together and Alex thanks Michael for the party, they’re both on their sides facing each other. Alex’s eyes are sparkling and he looks unbelievably happy and _love_ crashes over Michael and he feels panicky again. “Alex, I know I’m a mess and I know that I can be needy, but you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. If you don’t mind all of that, I really want to be your boyfriend.”

Alex’s eyes light up in mirth and he huffs out a laugh, “Oh, Michael,” he reaches over and places his hand on Michael’s cheek and strokes him with his thumb, “You’ve been my boyfriend for the past two years.”

“What?” Michael says, slack-jawed.

Alex leans his forehead against Michael’s, “You always were a bit daft,” he laughs quietly then gently kisses Michael.

The chaos fades away as the kiss gets heated and they get tangled up with each other. When Michael awakens the next day, clutching Alex’s bare body, the chaos still hasn’t returned. He smiles and hugs Alex tight against him, quiet, at peace, and in love.

 


End file.
